片名：蓝
[注：BLUE是Derek Jarman的辞世之作， 拍这部电影时他因为艾滋病而几近失明， 此时他参与了一种治疗艾滋病的新药的试验。 整部影片用诗化的自述体语言 描述生命中最后的生活、治疗场景以及各种联想和回忆， 以意识的流动为线索串起宛若珠玑的人生片段， 就像一个长长的、柔美的、回味幽远的长镜头。]
You say to the boy open your eyes 你对那个男孩说 睁开你的双眼
When he opens his eyes and sees the light 当他睁开眼睛看到光明时
You make him cry out. 你却让他哭泣
Saying O Blue come forth 说着 噢 蓝色出现了
O Blue arise 噢 蓝色升起来了
O Blue ascend 噢 蓝色盘旋而上
O Blue come in 噢 忧郁已经降临
I am sitting with some friends in this café 我和几个朋友坐在咖啡馆里
drinking coffee 啜饮美味
served by young refugees from Bosnia. 为我们服务的是波斯尼亚的年轻流亡者
The war rages across the newspapers 报纸上依然战争肆虐
and through the ruined streets of Sarajevo. 萨拉热窝满布残垣断壁
Tania said: 坦尼亚说：
"Your clothes are on back to front and inside out." “你的衣服前后穿反了,里外还翻了”
Since there were only two of us here I took them off and put them right then and there. 因为那里只有我们俩 我当即把它们脱下重新穿好
I am always here before the doors open. 从开门前我就一直在那里了
What need of so much news from abroad while all that concerns either life or death 当所有攸关生死的事情轰击着我大脑的时候
is all transacting and at work within me. 谁还会去关心那些外国的狗屁新闻啊
I step off the kerb and a cyclist nearly knocks me down. 我走下台阶 险些被一个骑自行车的人撞倒
Watch your fucking eyes 妈的 你没长眼啊
Flying in from the dark 他从黑暗里突然出现
he nearly parted my hair. 他几乎扯断了我的头发
I step into a blue funk. 我一步步走进蓝色的恐惧
The doctor in St Bartholomew's Hospital thought 圣巴多罗马医院的医生认为
he could detect lesions in my retina 他能检测到我视网膜的损伤
the pupils dilated with belladonna 瞳孔因颠茄的作用而放大
the torch shone into them with a terrible blinding light. 手电筒耀目的光照进来
Look left Look down 向左看 向下看
Look up Look right 向上看 向右看
Blue flashes in my eyes. 蓝色在我眼中闪过
Blue Bottle buzzing 丽蝇嗡嗡震动翅膀
Lazy days 懒洋洋的日子
The sky blue butterfly Sways on a cornflower 天蓝色的蝴蝶自矢车菊丛中飞舞而来
Lost in the warmth Of the blue heat haze 消逝在蓝色薄雾的温暖里
Singing the blues 吟唱着蓝调
Quiet and slowly Blue of my heart 静谧 柔缓 我心之忧郁
Blue of my dreams 梦中的蓝色
Slow blue love of delphinium days 飞燕草漫野的时光中 那渐渐变得忧伤的爱
Blue is the universal love 蓝色是宇宙之爱
in which man bathes it is the terrestrial paradise. 人们沐浴其中 那是人类的天堂
Blue 蓝色
I'm walking along the beach in a howling gale 在咆哮的狂风中 我漫步海滩
Another year is passing 又一年过去了
In the roaring waters I hear the voices of dead friends 海潮轰鸣 我听见已逝好友的声音
Love is life that lasts forever. 爱是永恒的生命
My heart's memory turns to you 我心中的记忆流向你们
David. 大卫
Howard. 霍华德
Graham. 格雷厄姆
Terry. 特里
PauI. 保罗
David. 大卫
Howard. 霍华德
Graham. 格雷厄姆
Terry. 特里
PauI. 保罗
David. 大卫
Howard. 霍华德
Graham. 格雷厄姆
Terry. 特里
PauI. 保罗
But 但是
what if this present Were the world's last night 如果现在就是世界末日
In the setting sun your love fades 落日余晖映照下 你的爱凋谢了
Dies in the moonlight Fails to rise 在月光下死去 再也不能复活
Thrice denied by cock crow 鸡叫三遍后
In the dawn's first light 黎明的第一束光射进来 又将如何
Look left Look down 向左看 向下看
Look up Look right 向上看 向右看
The camera flash Atomic bright Photos 闪光灯一闪 照片出来
The CMV a green moon then the world turns magenta 巨细胞病毒 那是一轮绿色的月亮 世界变了洋红色
My retina Is a distant planet 我的视网膜 是遥远的行星
A red Mars From a Boy's Own comic 是少年漫画里的火星
With yellow infection Bubbling at the corner 它的角落感染了黄色泡泡
I said this looks like a planet 我说那看起来像颗星球
The doctor says: 医生说：
" Oh, I think It looks like a pizza " “噢，我认为它看上去像块比萨饼。”
The worst of the illness is the uncertainty. 这病最糟糕的地方在于它的不确定性
I've played this scenario back and forth each hour of the day for the last six years. 整整六年 我时刻都在演习生命终结的那一幕
Blue transcends the solemn geography of human limits. 忧伤 超越了严格的人类极限
I am home with the blinds drawn 我在家 闭上百叶窗
H.B. is back from Newcastle But gone out H.B.刚从纽卡斯尔回来 不过又出去了 [注：H.B.是Derek的同性恋人，帮他度过了饱受艾滋病折磨的最后岁月。双目失明的Derek在日记里写下的最后一句话是：H.B.，true love。]
The washing Machine is roaring away And the fridge is defrosting 洗衣机咆哮不已 冰箱在解冻
These are his favourite sounds 这是他最喜欢的声音
I've been given the option of being an in-patient at the hospital 我可以选择
or coming in twice a day to be hooked to a drip. 是否一天去医院输两次液
My vision will never come back. 我的光明永不回来
The retina is destroyed, 视网膜已被破坏
though when the bleeding stops what is left of my sight might improve. 血不再流的时候 视力可能会略有改善
I have to come to terms with sightlessness. 我不得不进入失明前的倒计时
If I lose half my sight will my vision be halved? 是不是当我失去一半视力的时候 视野也只剩一半？
The virus rages fierce. 病毒继续肆虐着
I have no friends now who are not dead or dying. 我已经没有还活着的病友了
Like a blue frost it caught them. 他们像被蓝雾带走
At work, at the cinema, 在工作中、在电影院里
on marches and beaches. 在起航时、靠岸时
In churches on their knees, running, 在教堂跪拜时
flying, silent or shouting protest. 又或者奔跑、飞翔、静默或是大声抗议时
It started with sweats in the night 刚开始只是在夜里大汗淋漓
and swollen glands. 腺体肿大
Then the black cancers spread across their faces 接着可怕的恶疾延伸到他们的脸上
as they fought for breath 当他们为呼吸而战的时候
TB and pneumonia hammered at the lungs 肺结核和肺炎攻击了他们的肺
and Toxo at the brain. 同时弓形虫侵入大脑
Reflexes scrambled 导致反射系统紊乱
sweat poured through hair 汗如雨下
matted like lianas in the tropical forest. 头发纠结得就像热带雨林的藤蔓
Voices slurred 声音渐渐模糊
and then were lost forever. 最终永远消失
My pen chased this story across the page 我的笔在纸上追寻着这个
tossed this way and that in the storm. 在风暴中辗转的故事
The blood of sensibility is blue 感性的血是蓝色的
I consecrate myself To fìnd its most perfect expression 为了追索最完美的表达 我向神献上自己
My sight failed a little more in the night 夜里我的视力更衰退
H.B. offers me his blood H.B.给我输了他的血
It will kill everything he says 他说这可以杀死所有病毒
The drip of DHPG Trills like a canary DHPG滴下的声音仿佛金丝雀震颤的鸣啾 [注：DHPG，无环核甙9-[2-羟基-1-(羟甲基)乙氧甲基]鸟嘌呤，即Dihydroxyphenylglycine，是一种强力抑制人细胞肥大病毒(HCMV)活性的抗病毒药。]
I am accompanied by a shadow into which H.B. appears and disappears. H.B.的的影子时隐时现 一直伴随着我
I have lost the sight on the periphery of my right eye. 我已经看不见右眼周围的东西
I hold out my hands before me 我抬起双手
and slowly part them. 在眼睛前面慢慢张开手指
At a certain moment they disappear out of the corner of my eyes. 瞬间它们就在眼前消失了
This is how I used to see. 这是我习惯看东西的方式
而现在 如果我重复这个动作
Now if I repeat the motion, this is all I see. 却只能看到我的手
I shall not win the battle against the virus 我不可能赢得与病毒的战争
in spite of the slogans like `Living with AIDS'. 虽然口号喊着“在艾滋中活下去”
The virus was appropriated by the well 病毒依然源源不绝
so we have to live with AIDS 所以我们不得不“与艾滋同在”
while they spread the quilt for the moths of Ithaca across the wine dark sea. 在伊萨卡岛的飞蛾穿越酒暗海而来之时 [注：荷马曾用过“酒暗海”(wine dark sea)一词，酒象征着主耶酥的血，因而带有宗教和神秘意味。]
Awareness is heightened by this, but something else is lost. 认识更加深刻 但某些东西遗失了
A sense of reality drowned in theatre. 现实充满戏剧性
Thinking blind, becoming blind. 想着瞎了 就真的瞎了
In the hospital it is as quiet as a tomb. 医院里死一般寂静
The nurse fights to find a vein in my right arm. 护士们致力于寻找我右臂的静脉
We give up after five attempts. 尝试五次后 我们放弃了
Would you faint if someone stuck a needle into your arm? 别人把针扎进你手臂时你会晕厥么？
I've got used to it but I still shut my eyes. 我已经习惯了 但这次还是乖乖地闭上了眼睛
The Gautama Buddha instructs me 佛陀释迦牟尼教导我：
to walk away from illness. 要无视疾病之痛
But he wasn't attached to a drip. 但是他可没挂过吊瓶
Far away from illness （唱经）无视疾病之痛
(Repeat)Far away from illness （重复唱）无视疾病之痛
Fate is the strongest 命运是最强大的
Fate 命中
Fated 注定
Fatal 消亡
I resign myself to Fate 我屈从于我的命运
Blind Fate 失明的命运
The drip stings 输液管的点滴刺痛着我
A lump swells up in my arm 胳膊上肿了个包
Out comes the drip 药液流出来
An electric shock sparks up my arm 胳膊像被电火花灼烧那么疼
How can I walk away with a drip attached to me? 挂着这么个鬼吊瓶叫我怎么出去？
How am I going to walk away from this? 我要怎么做才能当它不碍事？
I fill this room with the echo of many voices 房间里回荡着往日的声音
Who passed time here 他们曾在这里消磨时光
Voices unlocked from the blue of the long dried paint 声音从油画的蓝颜料中渗透出来
The sun comes and floods this empty room 阳光铺满这个空荡荡的房间
I call it my room 我叫它——我的房间
My room 我的房间
has welcomed many summers 我的房间曾迎来过很多个夏天
Embraced laughter and tears 拥抱过那么多的欢笑和眼泪
Can it fill itself with your laughter 你的笑声能填满它么？
Each word a sunbeam Glancing in the light 每句话都恍若闪烁的阳光
This is the song of My Room 这是我房间的歌
David 大卫
Howard 霍华德
Graham 格雷厄姆
David 大卫
Paul 保罗
David 大卫
Graham 格雷厄姆
Howard 霍华德
David 大卫
Blue stretches 忧伤伸伸懒腰
yawns 打个呵欠
and is awake. 它醒来了
Blue 忧伤
Blue stretches 忧伤伸伸懒腰
yawns 打个呵欠
and is awake. 它醒来了
(sussurrando)Terry （喃喃低语）特里
(sussurrando)David （喃喃低语）大卫
(sussurrando) Paul. （喃喃低语）保罗
(sussurrando) Howard. （喃喃低语）霍华德
(sussurrando)Graham （喃喃低语）格雷厄姆
Blue 好难过
There is a photo in the newspaper this morning of refugees leaving Bosnia. 今天早报上有逃出波斯尼亚的难民的照片
They look out of time. 他们看上去不合时宜
Peasant women with scarves and black dresses 农妇身着黑衣头戴围巾
stepped from the pages of an older Europe. 仿佛从古老欧洲的书页中走来
One of them has lost her three children. 她们中的一位失去了三个孩子
Lightning flickers through the hospital window 闪电透射进医院的窗
at the door an elderly woman stands waiting for the rain to clear. 门口有个老妇人站在那等雨停
I ask her if I can give her a lift 我问她要不要搭车
I've hailed a taxi. 我已经招了一辆出租车
"Can you take me to Holborn tube?" “你能送我去赫伯恩地铁站么？”
On the way she breaks down in tears. 路上 她的泪流下来
She has come from Edinburgh. 她从爱丁堡来
Her son is in the ward 心爱的儿子在监护病房里
he has meningitis and has lost the use of his legs 他得了髓膜炎 双腿已经废了
I'm helpless as the tears flow. 她哭的时候我很无力
I can't see her. 我不敢看她
Just the sound of her sobbing. 车里唯余她的抽泣声
One can know the whole world Without stirring abroad 一个人可以知晓整个世界 而无需走出房间
Without looking out of the window One can see the way of heaven 不用望向窗外 一个人就可以看见天堂之路
The further one goes The less one knows 行之愈远 知之愈少
In the pandemonium of image 在一片喧哗的影像中
I present you with the universal Blue 我把宇宙之蓝色呈现在你的面前
Blue an open door to soul 蓝色可以开启灵魂大门
An infinite possibility 无限的可能性
Becoming tangible 逐渐清晰可辨
Here I am again in the waiting room. 现在我又在候诊室里了
Hell on Earth is a waiting room. 人间地狱就是个大候诊室
Here you know you are not in control of yourself, 你知道在这里你不能掌控自己
waiting for your name to be called: 只能等着叫到你的名字
"712213" “712213号”
Here you have no name 在这里你没有名字
confìdentiality is nameless. 秘而不宣 无以言说
Where is 666? 666号在哪里？
Am I sitting opposite him/her? 我是否就坐在他（她）的对面？
Maybe 666 is the demented woman 也许666号是个精神错乱的女人
switching the channels on the TV. 不停地切换着电视频道
What do I see Past the gates of conscience? 撇开是非之心 我会看见什么？
Activists invading Sunday Mass 激进分子闯入主日弥撒
In the cathedral An epic Czar Ivan denouncing the Patriarch of Moscow 教堂里 显赫的伊凡沙皇公然抨击莫斯科的长老
A moon-faced boy who spits and repeatedly crosses himself as he genuflects 一个圆脸男孩 在屈膝礼时不停地摩挲衣服划着十字
Will the pearly gates slam shut in the faces of the devout? 天国之门会在这些虔诚的面孔前关闭吗？
The demented woman is discussing needles 那个精神错乱的女人在讨论她的毛衣编织技巧
there is always a discussion of needles here. 这里经常会有类似的讨论
She has a line put into her neck. 她的脖子上绕了根线
How are we perceived 我们该怎样感知？
if we are to be perceived at all? 如果我们自身根本就是被感知的东西？
For the most part we are invisible. 在很大程度上我们是无形的
If the doors of Perception were cleansed 如果我们的观念被净化了
then everything would be seen as it is. 那么万事万物将显现它们的本来面目
The dog barks, the caravan passes. 狗吠叫着 大篷车经过
Marco Polo stumbles across the Blue Mountain. 马可·波罗偶然发现了蓝山
Marco Polo stops and sits 马可·波罗停下脚步
on a lapis throne by the River Oxus 在奥克苏河边的天青石上坐下
while he is ministered to by the descendants of Alexander the Great. 当时亚历山大显赫的后代资助着他
The caravan approaches, 大篷车靠近了
blue canvasses fluttering in the wind. 蓝色的帆布风中翻腾
Blue people from over the sea ultramarine 从深蓝色大海另一边来的忧愁的人儿
have come to collect the lapis with its flecks of gold. 捡拾着金斑点点的天青石
The road to the city of Aqua Vitae is protected by a labyrinth 通往火酒之城的路
built from crystals and mirrors which in the sunlight 被阳光下的水晶镜迷宫掩藏
cause terrible blindness. 人们一叶障目 难寻迷踪
The mirrors reflect each of your betrayals, 镜子映照你每一寸裸露的缺陷
magnify them and drive you into madness. 放大它们 让你癫狂
Blue walks into the labyrinth. 蓝色降临这个迷宫
Absolute silence is demanded to all its visitors, 所有到来的人被提示要绝对安静
so their presence does not disturb the poets 这样他们的存在才不会打扰那些诗人
who are directing the excavations. 那些指挥开掘的诗人们
Digging can only proceed on the calmest of days 挖掘只能在最安静的白日进行
as rain and wind destroy the finds. 因为雨和风会毁掉新发现
The archaeology of sound has only just been perfected 直到最近才被偶然发现的那套
and the systematic cataloguing of words 具有严谨索引的语言系统
has until recently been undertaken in a haphazard way. 使得对这些言辞的考据趋近完美
Blue watched as a word or phrase “blue”看上去只是一个
materialised in scintillating sparks, 烁烁其华的词或短语
a poetry of fire which casts everything into darkness 但它也是一首关于火光的诗
with the brightness of its reflections. 分饰着从光明到黑暗的所有角色
As a teenager I used to work 年少时
for the Royal National Institute for the Blind 每逢圣诞节来临
on their Christmas appeal for radios 我都会和七十岁的潘趣小姐
with dear miss Punch, seventy years old 响应电台呼吁 去皇家盲人协会做义工
who used to arrive each morning on her Harley Davidson. 那个每天早晨开着她的哈利·戴维森摩托来的潘趣小姐
She kept us on our toes. 总是给我们带来活力
Her job as a gardener 她的职业是园丁
gave her time to spare in January. 这让她一月份可以有空余时间
Miss Punch Leather Woman 潘趣小姐
was the first out dyke I ever met. 是我第一次见到的公开女同性恋
Closeted and frightened by my sexuality 对为自己的性取向秘密而惊惧的我来说
she was my hope. 她是我的希望
"Climb on, let's go for a ride." “上来，我们去飙车。”
She looked like Edith Piaf, a sparrow, 她看上去像伊迪丝·皮亚芙
and wore a cock-eyed beret at a saucy angle. 跟个麻雀似的 以活泼的角度戴着顶贝雷帽
She bossed all the other old girls 她管理着那些一年又一年
who came back year after year for her company. 回来跟她一起帮忙的老女孩们
In the paper today. 今天的报纸说
Three quarters of the AIDS organisations 四分之三的艾滋机构
are not providing safer sex information. 都没有提供安全性行为的知识
One district said they had no queers in their community 有个地区说他们社区里根本就没有同性恋
but you might try district X 不过你可以试试X地区
they have a theatre. 就是有家大剧院的那一区
To be or not to be 生存还是毁灭
is a question. 这是个难题
My sight seems to have closed in. 我能看到的范围逐渐缩小
The hospital is even quieter this morning. 今早的医院更加安静了
Hushed. 缄默
I have a sinking feeling in my stomach. 我的胃很沉
I feel defeated. 我觉得自己被摧毁了
My mind bright as a button 我的思想像个按钮一样在闪光
but my body falling apart 但我的身体却在崩溃
a naked light bulb in a dark and ruined room. 被废弃的黑屋子里闪烁着赤裸裸的灯光
There is death in the air here but we are not talking about it. 空气中充满了死亡的气息 我们讳莫如深
But I know the silence might be broken 但是我知道宁静会被
by distraught visitors screaming: 来这里的人那些发狂的尖叫声打破
"Help, Sister! Help Nurse!" “救救我！护士！”
followed by the sound of feet rushing along the corridor. 走廊凌乱的脚步声过后
Then silence. 一切又复归宁静
Blue protects white from innocence 蓝色护佑着白色 令其免于天真
Blue drags black with it 蓝色掺杂着黑色 与其相伴
Blue is darkness made visible 蓝色是看得见的黑暗
Blue protects white from innocence 蓝色驱赶着白色的天真
Blue drags black with it 蓝色混融着黑色
Blue is darkness made visible 蓝色是黑暗中诞生的光
Over the mountains is the shrine to Rita 山那边是丽塔神庙
where all at the end of the line call. 路的尽头所有人都在呼唤
Rita is the Saint of the Lost Cause. 丽塔是失败之神
The saint of all who are at their wit's end 她是所有才尽智穷的人的终点
who are hedged in and trapped by the facts of the world. 是所有那些被命运捉弄、陷进生命圈套里的人的终点
These facts, detached from cause, trapped the Blue Eyed Boy 这些事实 从原因中剥离出来的事实
in a system of unreality. 让蓝眼少年进入不真实的圈套
Would all these blurred facts that deceive 所有这些欺骗性的模糊事实
dissolve in his last breath? 会随着他最后的呼吸消失吗？
For accustomed to believing in image, an absolute idea of value 习惯于相信眼睛看到的影像 那成了绝对价值
his world had forgotten the command of essence: 他的世界遗忘了本质：
Thou Shall Not Create Unto Thyself Any Graven Image 虽然你无法创造自己的永恒映像
although you know the task is to fill the empty page. 而且你知道自己的任务只是填补其中的空白
From the bottom of your heart, 但在你心底
pray to be released from image. 还是祈祷着能从映像的束缚中解放出来
The image is a prison of the soul, 那个映像是灵魂的监狱
your heredity, your education, 困囿了你的遗传、你的学识、
your vices and aspirations, 你的罪恶、你的雄心、
your qualities, your psychological world. 你的才华、你的内心世界
I have walked behind the sky. 我已经走到天空背后
(MUSICA IN SOTTOFONDO) For what are you seeking? 你在找什么？
The fathomless blue of Bliss. 幸福的蓝色深不见底
To be an astronaut of the void, 去做一个虚拟宇航员
leave the comfortable house that imprisons you with reassurance. 离开用安心的感觉包围着你的舒适房子
Remember, 记住
To be going and to have are not eternal 将要去做的 和已然完成的 都不是永恒
fight the fear that engenders the beginning, 我们要战胜恐惧 是它引发了开始
the middle 过程
and the end. 和结束
For Blue 对蓝色来说
there are no boundaries or solutions. 没有边界或答案
Time is what keeps the light from reaching us. 时间是阻拦光芒抵达我们身边的障碍物
How did my friends cross the cobalt river, 我的朋友们是怎么渡过钴蓝色冥河的？
with what did they pay the ferryman? 当他们在乌黑的天空下
As they set out for the indigo shore 出发前往靛蓝色河岸的时候
under this jet-black sky 他们拿什么贡献给摆渡的人？
some died on their feet with a backward glance. 有些人在回眸的那个瞬间死去了
Did they see Death 他们能看见死神么？
with the hell hounds pulling a dark chariot, 驾着地狱里黑色的战车
bruised blue-black 撞得青一块紫一块
growing dark in the absence of light, 在漆黑的世界里慢慢变成黑色
did they hear the blast of trumpets? 他们听得见呼啸的号角声吗？
David ran home panicked on the train from Waterloo, 大卫惊慌地乘列车从滑铁卢跑回来
brought back exhausted and unconscious 筋疲力尽 不省人事
to die that night. 当天晚上就死了
Terry who mumbled incoherently into his incontinent tears. 特里语无伦次地喃喃 泪水止不住地流
Others faded like flowers cut by the scythe of the Blue Bearded Reaper, 其他人像被蓝胡子的大镰割下的花儿一样
parched as the waters of life receded. 在生命之泉枯竭时 凋谢了
Howard turned slowly to stone, 霍华德慢慢变得呆滞
petrified day by day, 一天比一天没生机
his mind imprisoned in a concrete fortress 他的思绪被囚禁在混凝土城堡里
until all we could hear 直到我们听到的
were his groans on the telephone circling the globe. 全是他在电话里萦回的呻吟
Mad Vincent sits on his yellow chair 疯疯癫癫的文森特蜷缩在他黄色的椅子里
clasping his knees to his chest 双手抱膝 紧扣在胸前
Bananas. 精神崩溃
The sunflowers wilt in the empty pot, 向日葵在空罐子里枯萎
bone dry, skeletal, 枝叶干枯 形似骷髅
the black seeds picked 摘去了黑色种子的花盘
into the staring face of a Halloween pumpkin. 变得像万圣节南瓜那张刺目的脸
He is unaware of Blue standing in the corner. 他并未察觉角落中伫立的蓝色
Fevered eyes glare at the jaundiced corn, 狂热的眼神只知怒视黄色的玉米
caw of the jet-black crows 黑色乌鸦的聒噪
spiralling in the yellow. 盘旋进黄色里
The lemon goblin stares 柠檬色的小妖精
from the unwanted canvasses thrown in a corner. 从墙角的破画布中往外瞧
Sourpuss suicide screams with evil 坏脾气的自杀者发出不祥的尖叫
clasping cowardly Yellowbelly, slit eyed. 这声音紧抓住懦夫 令其死不瞑目
Blue fights diseased Yellowbelly 蓝色与病中的胆小鬼搏斗
whose fetid breath scorches the trees yellow with ague. 它用恶臭的呼吸把树烤得金黄
Betrayal is the oxygen of his devilry. 背叛是它哺育邪恶的养料
He'll stab you in the back. 它会背后伤人
Yellowbelly places a jaundiced kiss in the air, 懦夫在空中放出一个嫉妒的吻
the stink of pus blinds Blue's eyes. 恶臭的脓熏瞎了蓝色的眼睛
Evil swims in the yellow bile. 罪孽畅游在黄色的愤怒中
Yellowbelly's snake eyes poison. 懦夫的蛇之眼充满恶毒目光
He crawls over Eve's rotting apple 它爬过夏娃腐坏的苹果
wasp-like. 大黄蜂
Quick as a flash he stings Blue in the mouth 迅如闪电 它吻上这蓝色的唇
his hellish legion buzz and chuckle in the mustard gas. 它卑鄙的喽罗们在芥子气里嗡嗡哂笑着
They'll piss all over you. 它们会撒得你浑身都是尿
Sharp nicotine-stained fangs bared. 被尼古丁熏过的森森尖牙露出来了
Blue transformed into an insectocutor, 蓝色变成蛰人的虫
his Blue aura frying the foes. 它蓝色的气息烧灼着敌人
We all contemplated suicide 我们都在思索自杀的事
We hoped for euthanasia 我们渴望安乐死
We were lulled into believing 我们被哄着相信
Morphine dispelled pain 吗啡会驱走疼痛
Rather than making it tangible 这比相信病能治好更现实
Like a mad Disney cartoon 好像一部疯狂的迪斯尼卡通
Transforming itself into Every conceivable nightmare 把自己变成所有能想像出来的妖怪
Karl killed himself 卡尔自杀了
how did he do it? 他怎么死的？
I never asked. 我从没问过
It seemed incidental. 那看上去只是个意外
What did it matter if he swigged prussic acid 即使他喝了氢氰酸 或者对着自己眼睛开上一枪
or shot himself in the eye. 又能怎样呢？
Maybe he dived into the streets from high up in the cloud-lapped skyscrapers. 也许他是从手可触云的摩天大楼上飞下来的
The nurse explains the implant. 护士讲解输液过程
You mix the drugs 你把药混在一起
and drip yourself once a day. 每天自己输一次液
The drugs are kept in a small fridge they give you. 这些药存在他们给你的小冰箱里
Can you imagine travelling around with that? 你能想像带上这个出门吗？
The metal implant will set 金属注射器会触发
the bomb detector off in airports, 机场安检的警报
and I can just see myself travelling to Berlin with a fridge under my arm. 我看到只有我拎着冰箱去柏林
Impatient youths of the sun 年少气盛的太阳
Burning with many colours 燃烧着七彩的光
Flick combs through hair In bathroom mirrors 在浴室的镜子前轻轻梳理头发
Fucking with fusion and fashion 去他妈的和谐还有时尚
Dance in the beams of emerald lasers 只消在绿宝石的电波中跳舞就好
Mating on suburban duvets 在郊外的软榻上做爱
Cum splattered nuclear breeders 伴着核反应堆般飞溅的液滴
What a time that was 逝去的是怎样的时代啊
The drip ticks out the seconds, 吊瓶中滴下的液体计算着流失的秒
the source of a stream 这股小溪的源头
along which the minutes flow, 沿着分钟的细流
to join the river of hours, 汇入小时之河
the sea of years 再进入年月的大海
and the timeless ocean. 直至无限之汪洋
The side effects of DHPG, the drug for which I have to come into hospital to be dripped twice a day, are: 我必须每天两次去医院注射的DHPG有副作用：
Low white blood cell count, 减少白细胞
increased risk of infection, 增加感染危险
low platelet count which may increase the risk of bleeding, 血小板减少让出血变得更危险
low red blood cell count (anaemia), 也降低红血球指数（贫血）
fever, rush, abnormal liver function, 发烧 亢奋 肝功异常
chills, swelling of the body (oedema), infections, 冷颤 身体肿胀（水肿）、感染
malaise, irregular heart beat, 焦虑 心跳不规则
high blood pressure (hypertension), 血压高（高血压）
low blood pressure (hypotension), 血压低（低血压）
abnormal thoughts or dreams, 失常的思虑和梦境
loss of balance (ataxia), 失去平衡（共济失调）
coma, confusion, dizziness, headache, 昏迷 混乱 晕眩 头痛
nervousness, damage to nerves (paraesthesia), psychosis, 神经质 损伤神经（感觉异常） 精神病
sleepiness (somnolence), shaking, nausea, vomiting, 想睡觉（嗜睡） 颤抖 恶心 呕吐
loss of appetite (anorexia), 失去食欲（厌食症）
diarrhoea, bleeding from the stomach or intestine (intestinal haemorrhage), 腹泻 肠胃出血（肠出血）
abdominal pain, 腹部疼痛
increased number of one type of white blood cell, 某种类型的白血球数目增加
low blood sugar, shortness of breath, hair loss (alopecia), 低血糖 呼吸急促 掉头发（脱发）
itching (pruritus), hives, blood in the urine, 身体痒痒（瘙痒） 麻疹 尿血
abnormal kidney functions, 肾功能失常
increased blood urea, 血尿素增高
redness (inflammation), pain or irritation (phlebitis). 红肿（炎症） 疼痛或发炎（静脉炎）
Retinal detachments have been observed in patients 不管在治疗前还是治疗后
both before and after initiation of therapy. 视网膜都肯定会脱落
The drug has caused 这个药还会导致
decreased sperm production in animals 生物体精子数量减少
and may cause infertility in humans, 并可能引起人类不育
and birth defects in animals. 还有动物的先天缺陷
Although there is no information in human studies, 虽然没在人类身上做研究
it should be considered a potential carcinogen 但它仍被认为可能是种致癌物
since it causes tumours in animals. 因为它能导致动物长出肿瘤
If you are concerned about any of the above side-effects 如果你关心以上任意一种副作用
or if you would like any further information, 或者想获取更多信息
please ask your doctor. 请问问你的医生
In order to be put on the drug 为了能靠这些药活命
you have to sign a piece of paper stating 你不得不签署一纸声明
you understand that all these illnesses are a possibility. 表示你清楚地知道这些病都可能发生
I really can't see what I am to do. 我真的不知道该怎么做
I am going to sign it. 我正要去签掉它
The darkness comes in with the tide 黑暗如潮水般涌入
The year slips on the calendar 年华从日历中溜走
Your kiss flares 你的吻如花绽放
A match struck in the night 一支火柴划亮黑夜
Flares and dies 怒放 继而隐灭
My slumber broken 我自睡梦中惊醒
Kiss me again 再吻我一次吧
Kiss me 亲亲我
Kiss me again and again 再一次 再多一次
Kiss me again 再吻我一次吧
Kiss me 亲亲我
Kiss me again and again 再一次 再多一次
Never enough 永不满足
Greedy lips 贪婪的唇
Speedwell eyes 婆婆纳似的蓝眼睛 [注：婆婆纳，一年生或越年生草本，玄参科植物。花瓣外圈蓝色、中心白色，形似眼睛。]
Blue skies 蔚蓝的天空
A man sits in his wheelchair, his hair awry, 一个男人坐在轮椅里 头发蜷曲
munching through a packet of dried biscuits, 大声嚼着块压缩饼干
slow and deliberate as a praying mantis. 动作轻缓得像只螳螂
He speaks enthusiastically 他时而热情时而语无伦次地
but sometimes incoherently of the hospice. 讲述着收容所的事情
He says, "You can't be too careful who you mix with there, 他说：“在那儿，你不能过于在意跟谁混。
there's no way of telling the visitors, patients or staff apart. 那里根本没办法分辨出谁是探视的、谁是病人、谁又是工作人员。
The staff have nothing to identify them 工作人员也没任何身份证明，
except they are all into leather. 除了一点——他们都穿皮衣。
The place is like an S&M club". 这地方就像个SM俱乐部。”
This hospice has been built by charity, 收容所是慈善机构建的
the names of the donors displayed for all to see. 捐助者的名字向所有人公示
Charity has allowed the uncaring 慈善团体让那些不被注意的东西
to appear to care 展露出来并引起关注
and is terrible for those dependent on it. 这对依赖它的人来说真是糟透了
Charity's big business. 那可是慈善机构的大买卖
We go along with this, 我们只能随声附和
so the rich and powerful who fucked us over once 于是有钱有权的家伙一次又一次
fuck us over again 利用我们 欺骗我们
and get it both ways. 左右逢源
We have always been mistreated, 我们总是被欺侮的
so if anyone gives us the slightest sympathy 所以如果哪个人给了我们哪怕一丁点儿同情
we overreact with our thanks. 我们也会涌泉相报
I am a mannish 我是个爷们儿
Muff diving 爱舔屁屁
Size queen 他有大鸡鸡
With bad attitude 恶劣又无趣
An arse licking Psychofag 喜欢舔屁屁
Molesting the flies of privacy 调戏小鸡鸡
Balling lesbian boys 玩弄小男孩
A perverted heterodemon 一个不正常的异性恋
Crossing 抱持着
purpose with death 必死的信念
I am a cock sucking 我是下贱的
straight acting Lesbian man 假扮成异性恋的男同性恋
He is a cock sucking 他是个下贱的
straight acting Lesbian man 装扮成异性恋的男同性恋
With ball crushing bad manners 还有坏习惯
Laddish nymphomaniac politics 以及奇怪的政治立场
With ball crushing bad manners 还有坏习惯
Laddish nymphomaniac politics 以及奇怪的政治立场
Spunky sexist desires Of incestuous inversion and incorrect terminology 我性别倒错 浑身暴走着对男人的渴望
I am a Not Gay 我不是同性恋
He is a Not Guy 他不是个直男
I am a Not Gay 我不是同性恋
He is a Not Guy 他不是个直男
I am a Not Gay 我不是同性恋
He is a Not Guy 他不是个直男
I am a Not Gay 我不是同性恋
He is a Not Guy 他不是个直男
I am a Not Gay 我不是同性恋
He is a Not Guy 他不是个直男
I am a Not Gay 我不是同性恋
He is a Not Guy 他不是个直男
I am a Not Gay 我不是同性恋
He is a Not Guy 他不是个直男
I am a Not Gay 我不是同性恋
He is a Not Guy 他不是个直男
I am a cock sucking straight acting Lesbian man 我是个下贱的装扮成异性恋的男同性恋
I am a Not Gay 我不是同性恋
H.B. is in the kitchen Greasing his hair H.B.在厨房里往头上抹油
He guards the space Against me 他不准我进去
He calls it his office 他把这里称为他的办公室
At nine we leave for the hospital 9点到了 我们前往医院
H.B. comes back from the eye dept H.B.从眼科出来
Where all my notes are muddled 我的记录糟糕透了
He says It's like Romania in there 他说那看上去就像罗马尼亚
Two light bulbs grimly illuminate The flaking walls 两只灯泡冷冰冰地映照着薄木墙
There is a box of dolls in a corner Indescribably grim 墙角有箱娃娃 难以名状地阴冷
The doctor says: 医生说：
"Well of course the kids don't see them" “当然孩子们看不到这些，
''There are no resources To brighten the place up''. 没有什么能使这里变得敞亮。”
My eyes sting from the drops 眼药水刺痛我的眼睛
The infection has halted 感染停止恶化
The flash leaves 强光移开后
Scarlet after images Of the blood vessels in my eye 鲜红血管的残影
Of the blood vessels in my eye 映在我眼中
Blue 蓝色
Teeth chattering February 冷到牙打颤的二月
Cold as death Pushes at the bedsheets 严寒像死亡一样掠过我们的床
An aching cold Interminable as marble 令人疼痛的寒冷 大理石花纹般绵长
My mind 我的思想
Frosted with drugs ices up 被药物的寒冰覆盖
A drift of empty snowflakes 雪花飘
Whiting out memory 掏空了回忆
A blinkered twister circling in spirals 喝醉了的惹是生非的意识,犹如一股明灭不定的龙卷风 环绕着盘旋上升
Shall I? Will I? 我可以知道吗？我会知道吗？
Doodling death watch 那死神在本子上写下的命运书简——
Mind how you go 关于“你将怎样离开这个世界”
Oral DHPG 口服的DHPG
is consumed by the liver, 被肝脏吸收
so they have tweaked a molecule to fool the system. 这样他们就能改变分子 欺骗身体
What risk is there? 那么有什么风险呢？
If I had to live forty years blind, 如果我不得不在失明中度过40年
I might think twice. 我也许会重新考虑一下
Treat my illness like the dodgems: 治这病就像玩碰碰车：
music, bright lights, bumps 音乐 强光 碰撞
and throw yourself into life again. 然后再一次把你投回现实生活里
The pills are the most difficult, 吃药是件苦差事
some taste bitter, others are too large. 药片有的太苦 有的太大
I'm taking about thirty a day, 每天我得吃大约30粒
a walking chemical laboratory. 简直像个会走路的化学实验室
I gag on them as I swallow them 我把它们塞进嘴里咽下去
and they come up half dissolved in the coughing and the spluttering. 有一半在咳嗽声中就已溶化
My skins sits on me like the shirt of Nessus. 我的皮肤就像内萨斯的衬衣 [注：内萨斯，希腊神话中半人半马的怪物。]
My face irritates, 我的脸针刺一般
as do my back and legs at night. 在夜里 我的背和腿也这样疼
I toss and turn, scratching, unable to sleep. 我辗转反侧 又抓又挠 难以入睡
I get up, turn on the light. 索性爬起来拉开灯
Stagger to the bathroom. 蹒跚着走进浴室
If I become so tired, maybe I'll sleep. 要是我累极了 也许就能睡了
Films chase through my mind. 心中涌出些许活生生的影像
Once in a while I dream a dream as magnificent as the Taj Mahal. 偶尔我会做一个泰姬陵那样恢宏的梦
I cross southern India with a young spirit guide 一个年轻的幽灵引导着我跨越南印度
India the land of my dreaming childhood. 印度是我年幼时就向往的地方
The souvenirs in Moselle's peach and grey living room. 摩泽尔桃灰色起居室里有印度的纪念品 [Derek的外婆摩泽尔（Moselle）和母亲Elizabeth Evelyn Jarman（娘家姓Puttock，又称Betts）皆出生于印度加尔各达。]
Granny called Moselle, 摩泽尔是外婆的名字
called ‘Girly', 大家叫她
called May. 少女小梅
An orphan who lost her name, which was Ruben. 她曾是个孤儿 名唤“鲁本”
Jade monkeys, ivory miniatures, mah-jongg. 纪念品有：玉猴子 象牙雕 麻将
The winds and bamboos of China. 小乐器 还有瓷做的竹子
All the old taboos 所有那些古老的禁忌和规矩
of Blood lines and blood banks 关乎血统和族系
Blue blood and bad blood 高贵的血和卑贱的血
Our blood and your blood 我们的血和你们的血
I sit here you sit there 我必须坐这儿 你得坐那儿
As I slept 我睡觉的时候
a jet slammed into a tower block. 一架喷气机撞了大楼
The jet was almost empty 飞机上空无一人
but two hundred people were fried in their sleep. 但是却有两百人在睡梦中被烧死了
The earth is dying and we do not notice it. 地球正在死去 而我们毫无察觉
A young man frail as Belsen 一个青年在走廊上缓缓行走
Walks slowly down the corridor 他瘦弱得如同刚从贝尔森集中营出来
His pale green hospital pyjamas Hanging off him 旧病号服跟捆在身上似的
It's very quiet 万籁俱寂
Just the distant coughing 唯余远处传来的咳嗽声
My jugsy eye blots out the young man 我快瞎了的眼还没看清这位青年
who has walked past my field of vision 他就走出了我的视野
This illness knocks you for six 这病会不时地击垮你
Just as you start to forget it 每回你刚要忘记它
A bullet in the back of my head 它就像子弹突然从脑后射进来
Might be easier 威力更大
You know, 你知道么？
you can take longer than the second world war to get to the grave. 你要等待比二战还长的时间才能最终进入坟墓
Ages and Aeons quit the room 衰老和永生离开这个房间
Exploding into timelessness 升华成永恒
No entrances or exits now 现在这里既没有入口也没有出口
No need for obituaries or final judgements 用不着讣告或什么结论
We knew that time would end 我们知道时候到了
After tomorrow at sunrise 就在明天日出之后
We scrubbed the floors And did the washing up 悠闲地擦擦地板 洗洗餐具就好
It would not catch us unawares 死神不会让我们措手不及的
The white flashes you are experiencing in your eyes are common when the retina is damaged. 当视网膜被破坏时 你的眼睛会经常感到有白色闪光
The damaged retina has started to peel away 坏死的视网膜开始脱落
leaving innumerable black floaters, 留下数不清的黑色漂浮物
like a flock of starlings swirling around in the twilight. 像一群盘旋于黄昏中的椋鸟
I am back at St Mary's 我回到圣玛丽医院
to have my eyes looked at by the specialist. 让专家再看看我的眼
The place is the same, but there is new staff. 却是青山依旧在 物是人已非
How relieved I am not to have the operation this morning 真幸运 今早我不用做手术
to have a tap put into my chest. 那个从我的胸腔往外抽液的手术
I must try and cheer up H.B. 我得让H.B.高兴一点儿
as he has had a hell of a fortnight. 他已经过了半个月地狱般的日子
In the waiting room a little grey man over the way is fretting 候诊室里的小老头儿很烦躁
as he has to get to Sussex. 因为他刚去过苏塞克斯
He says, "I am going blind, I cannot read any longer". 他说：“我快全瞎了，我再也不能看书了。”
A little later he picks up a newspaper, 过不一会儿 他拿起张报纸
struggles with it for a moment 撕扯一阵子
and throws it back on the table. 再把它扔回到桌子上
My stinging eye-drops have stopped me reading, 眼药水的刺激让眼睛没法看书
so I write this in a haze of belladonna. 所以我只能在颠茄的阴霾中写下这个
The little grey man's face has fallen into tragedy. 小老头儿一脸不幸的苦相
He looks like Jean Cocteau without the poet's refined arrogance. 他长得活像让·科克托 却没有这个诗人的优雅和傲慢 [注：让·科克托（1889-1963），使用多种艺术媒体进行创作的法国作家和电影制作人。]
The room is full of men and women 这个房间塞满了男人和女人
squinting into the dark 乜斜眼注视着黑暗
in different states of illness. 他们的病各自不同
Some barely able to walk, 有些几乎走不了路
distress and anger on every face 忧伤和愤怒写满了他们的脸
and then a terrible resignation. 逐渐转变成最可怕的放弃
Jean Cocteau takes off his glasses, “让·科克托”摘下他的眼镜
he looks about him with an undescribable meanness. 用难以形容的猥琐目光到处张望
He has black slip-on shoes, blue socks, grey trousers, 他穿着黑便鞋、蓝袜子、灰裤子
a Fairisle sweater and a herringbone jacket. 一件干净卫衣 还有人字纹的夹克
The posters that plaster the walls above him 他头上方的墙上贴着张海报
have endless question marks, 画满问号
HIV/AIDS?, AIDS?, HIV? 艾滋病毒/艾滋病？艾滋病人？艾滋病毒？
ARE YOU AFFECTED BY HIV/AIDS? AIDS?, ARC?, HIV? 你感染艾滋了吗？艾滋病？综合症？艾滋感染？
This is a hard wait. 这是艰难的等待
The shattering bright light of the eye specialist's camera 眼医镜头中射出来的光
leaves that empty sky blue after-image. 产生天蓝色的视觉残留
Did I really see green the first time? 起初我真的看见过绿色么？
The after-image dissolves in a second. 残留的影像马上消失了
As the photographs progress, 拍摄的时候
colours change to pink 颜色变得粉红
and the light turns to orange. 灯光变成橙色
The process is a torture, 这过程是种折磨
but the result, stable eyesight, 不过结果——稳定的视力
worth the price and the twelve pills I have to take a day. 也值每天不得不吃12粒药的代价了
Sometimes looking at them I fell nauseous 有时一看见它们我就恶心
and want to skip them. 想干脆不吃算了
It must be my association with H.B., 这让我想起H.B.
lover of the computer and king of the keyboard 他是电脑的情人 键盘的主子 [那个时候就有网虫了啊~]
that brought my luck on the computer 这次的药物试验 他从电脑上给我报了名
which chose my name for this drug trial. 最后被选中 是他给我带来的好运
I nearly forgot as I left St Mary's 我离开圣玛丽医院时
I smiled at Jean Cocteau. 差点忘了向“让·科克托”笑一下
He gave a sweet smile back. 他还给我个甜蜜的微笑
I caught myself looking at shoes in a shop window. 在一家鞋店的橱窗前 我停下脚步
I thought of going in and buying a pair, 寻思是不是要进去买一双
but stopped myself. 最终没进去
The shoes I am wearing at the moment 现在脚上穿着的这双
should be sufficient to walk me out of life. 已经足以陪我走完人生剩下的路
Pearl fishers In azure seas 采珠人遨游在蓝色的大海
Deep waters Washing the isle of the dead 深深的海水冲蚀着死亡之岛
In coral harbours amphora spill gold Across the still seabed 在珊瑚礁岸边 寂静的海底 双耳罐里散落出金币
We lie there 我们躺在那里
Fanned by the billowing Sails of forgotten ships 巨浪拍打着被遗忘的船的帆
Tossed by the mournful winds Of the deep 它在哀号的风中飘摇
Lost Boys Sleep forever 迷路的男孩 永远沉睡
In a dear embrace Salt lips touching 在温暖深情的怀抱里 咸咸的嘴唇轻轻相吻
In submarine gardens 海底花园中
Cool marble fingers Touch an antique smile 大理石冰凉的手指 触摸到一个古老的微笑
Shell sounds Whisper Deep 贝壳吟唱起深沉的耳语
love drifting on the tide forever 爱如潮水 永不止息
The smell of him Dead good looking 他的味道美极了
In beauty's summer 一如美丽的夏
His blue jeans Around his ankles 他的蓝色牛仔裤堆在脚踝
Bliss in my ghostly eye 幸福映入我朦胧的双眼
Kiss me on the lips On the eyes 吻我的唇 吻我的眼
Our name will be forgotten in time 我们的名字终归会被时间遗忘
No one will remember our work 没有人会记得我们所做的
Our life will pass like the traces of a cloud 生命如过眼云烟
And be scattered like mist that is chased by the rays of the sun 又如被日光驱散的薄雾
For our time is the passing of a shadow 对我们来说时间正如白驹过隙
And our lives will run like sparks through the stubble 我们的生命就要飞驰而去了 仿佛麦秸燃烧时那瞬间的花火
I place a delphinium, Blue, upon your grave. 在你的坟头 我搁下一株飞燕草 蓝蓝的...
我爱你 I love you Ich liebe dich Je t'aime 愛してる Tiamo .. .-.. --- ...- . -.-- --- ..-
The end 剧终
给H.B. 和所有真爱的情人。 To H.B. and to all the true lovers